


Boy, Interrupted

by park_maiko



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Eating Disorders, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Light Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-19
Updated: 2014-07-03
Packaged: 2018-01-25 16:26:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1654961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/park_maiko/pseuds/park_maiko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She says that she’s here for me, that she’ll help me through this time in my life.<br/>Like some stranger who wanted to just send me off to a loony bin could actually help me.<br/>She leans forward in her chair, blouse slipping low and exposing some of her cleavage, I don’t pay attention to it though.<br/>I divert my attention out the window, taking in the view of the trees, tall and shady, turning to different shades of oranges and reds and browns that represent the coming of fall and then winter.<br/>She sighs, “Sehun?” she begins, “Do you even want help?”<br/>I keep my gaze fixed on a small patch of green still lingering on the leaves of one of the trees; the trees sway from side to side in the cool breeze of the afternoon, the sky is dark.<br/>“Can you tell me when this all began? Can you tell me why you swallowed a whole bottle of aspirin? Was it to kill yourself?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> An AU I thought about doing while watching Girl, Interrupted with my best friend. Some parts may be heavily based off scenes from the movie but most are from my own ideas.  
> There may or may not be future pairings, I'm not sure yet.  
> Also sorry if there are any grammar or typo mistakes, feel free to point them out or something!

She says that she’s here for me, that she’ll help me through this time in my life.  
Like some stranger who wanted to just send me off to a loony bin could actually help me.  
She leans forward in her chair, blouse slipping low and exposing some of her cleavage, I don’t pay attention to it though.  
I divert my attention out the window, taking in the view of the trees, tall and shady, turning to different shades of oranges and reds and browns that represent the coming of fall and then winter.  
She sighs, “Sehun?” she begins, “Do you even want help?”  
I keep my gaze fixed on a small patch of green still lingering on the leaves of one of the trees; the trees sway from side to side in the cool breeze of the afternoon, the sky is dark.  
“Can you tell me when this all began? Can you tell me why you swallowed a whole bottle of aspirin? Was it to kill yourself?”  
I turned my gaze up to the ceiling, tracing a water stain on one of the panels with my eyes.  
In fact, I do, I do remember when this all began, I do remember why I swallowed those pills.

My life had been interrupted, too many times for comfort. Change can be good, yes, but when so much change happens everything just starts spiraling out of control, this happens and that happens and you feel like you have no authority of your own being.  
I just wanted it to stop, I wanted everything to just stop, my life to stop.  
I wanted my life to return to the hamster cage schedule, doing the same thing everyday with no change barreling into my life and disrupting it.  
But we can never really get what we want, can we? I couldn’t get my life to return to the not so chaotic schedule, I couldn’t just stop the interruptions, I couldn’t even take my own life without fucking up and failing; I am a failure.

The doctors squeaky voice interrupted me from my thoughts, I grimaced.  
“Sehun, if you’re not going to talk you’re not going to get better, I’m afraid to say this but we just might have to admit you to a hospital.”  
I snorted, why don’t you just call it what it really is? A loony bin, a mental asylum, crazy house, whatever.  
I stay silent.  
She sighs and closes her leather-bound notebook, taking off her thin-rimmed glasses and rubbing the bridge of her nose.  
“I’ll discuss arrangements with your parents after our session.” she stands and moves towards the door, opening it and gesturing for me to leave.  
I stand and walk out to the waiting lobby, my parents are both immersed into whatever activity they’re doing on their phones.

The doctor clears her throat and they both look up simultaneously.  
“May I speak with the both of you?”  
They both nod and get up, eyeing me on their way to the session room. The door closes behind them and the lobby is quiet, the only sound coming from the white noises machine in the office, a low groan.

The receptionist slides open the glass window blocking her tiny office space off from the lobby, and gives me a smile, “May I get you something? Cold water? Some tea?”  
I look down at the floor and trace the patterns of the tacky floral carpet with the toe of my shoe.  
I hear her sigh and slide the window shut, it’s been this way for months.

I wait for a while, how long, I wouldn’t really know. Maybe thirty minutes, maybe an hour. The door to the office suddenly opens, my parents walk out. My mothers face is blotchy and her eyes are red and puffy, she’s probably been crying. My fathers mouth is set in a firm line and his eyes are piercing.  
They bow to the doctor before turning back to the lobby and walking out the front door of the doctor’s office. I shrug and decide that it’s probably in my best interest to get up and follow after them.

It’s rainy outside when I get out of the office. The rain pours down from the sky, beating on the awning above me. I make my way over to the elevator where my parents are waiting patiently.  
It arrives and we board, a musty smell invades my nostrils and I try not to breathe in too deeply. The ride down is long and quiet, the sound of rain lightly plinking against the glass wall facing out into the courtyard that takes place in the center of the office center.

When we get to the first floor and step out my father tells us to stay put while he gets the car before scampering out into the rain, trekking through the now flooding parking lot.  
My mother stands beside me, face a stoic expression but her eyes are still red and puffy.  
“Your doctor wants to have you admitted to Denbigh Psychiatric Center.”  
I don’t answer.  
“Why won’t you just talk to me?” she was getting upset again.  
She sighs.  
“Your father and I agreed to admit you.”  
My eyes widened and I looked her way, searching for anything on her face to say she was lying, that this was just some joke.  
She turned her gaze towards me, her eyes were watery.  
“We just want what’s best for you. We want you to get better. We want our son back.”  
My stare turned into a piercing glare, she retreated back away from me slightly.  
I grit my teeth and grabbed the hood of my jacket and put it up before storming out into the pouring rain, not caring if I could get sick or not, hell I wouldn’t even care if this weather killed me, anything was better than what was going to happen to me.

 

* * *

 

The lights were all off when I got home. It was late at night or I guess it would be more accurate to say early in the morning. I strolled up the front walkway to the door and grabbed the handle trying to turn it to open it but it wouldn’t budge.  
My brows furrowed and I jiggled the doorknob more trying to get it to give under my hold.  
I sighed in defeat when it didn’t move; how annoying.  
I made my way to the side of the house, the small alleyway it created with the tall privacy fence next to it was dark and cramped. Shuffling between the two I stopped in front of my window, I never locked it no matter how many times my mother always warned, “Sehun, it’s dangerous to leave that window of yours unlocked, what if someone tried to get in and kill you?”  
Let them.

I slid the window open, hands getting wet from the leftover water from the rain earlier in the day. I slipped into my bedroom, shivering at the cold temperature inside the house. I shut the window and lowered the blinds, effectively shutting my room out from the rest of the world. The house was so cold; my mother always liked it cold, she would always scold me if I ever tried to turn the air conditioning up past 70 degrees.  
I stripped out of the wet clothes and threw them towards my hamper, not really caring if they made it in or not. Sliding on a pair of sweats I then slinked under the covers of my bed, wrapping myself in the fluffy duvet trying to get some warmth.

 

* * *

 

“Sehun? Sehun, get up, now.” the commanding voice of my mother drifted to my ears.  
I groaned and covered my heard with the covers. She sighed and ripped the covers off of me.  
“Sehun you need to pack up, you’ll be leaving tomorrow.”  
Tomorrow? Why so soon? Doesn’t it take time for this stuff to actually happen?

I willed my eyes to open. My vision was blurry with sleep and I rubbed my eyes to make the blurriness dissipate quicker.  
My mother turned her back and walked out of the room, leaving the door open behind her. I groaned inwardly and slowly pulled myself up out of bed, leaving the warm cocoon I had made during the night and out into the cold air of the house.  
The floorboards creaked underneath my feet as I walked out of the room and down the hall towards the kitchen.  
My father was sitting at the dining room table reading through a newspaper as my mother sat across from him, silently sipping coffee.  
I made my way over to the pantry and scanned through it, nothing really seemed appealing at the moment. I walked back to my room and slammed the door shut.  
I can’t believe this, I can’t believe them. Sending me away? What a joke.  
I snatched the suitcase sitting at the back of my closet and threw it onto my bed. Zipping it open, I began stuffing clothes inside to the brim. It was hard to get closed, having to use all my strength to actually get it zipped up.  
I sighed and lay back on my bed. I only had one day left, one day left of freedom before I was shipped off to some loony bin.


	2. II

Turns out when you don’t have many friends you won’t do much on your last day of a regular life. I spent the majority of my day yesterday wallowing around in bed and listening to music.

My parents didn’t want to see me off this morning, so they both waited until the transportation got to our house and left as soon as it arrived, they didn’t even say goodbye. I don’t mind though, we don’t have a close relationship as you can probably tell already.

 

The ride was long, it took nearly 2 hours to get here, long and boring would be the perfect way to describe it, actually no, mind numbing would be better.

As soon as we pulled up to the entrance a big sign at the end of a gravel driveway read “Welcome to Denbigh Psychiatric Center” in calligraphic font, I suppose it’s to make it seem welcoming but as soon as the building comes into sight any welcoming sense of security or warmth disappears immediately.

 

The building was large, an early Victorian style, crafted out of dull gray bricks that now had water stains and other stains from the wear and tear of years of weather and god knows what. The windows were large, 3 panels high by 2 panels wide, smudged with grime at the corners.

The building had an overall intimidating feeling, making anyone approaching it feel like an inadequate insect.

 

The car came to a halt and the engine shut off, “Stay there.” the driver commanded.

I lifted an eyebrow but sat back in my seat, watching as the plump old man climbed out of the car and out into the crisp air of oncoming fall.

The car vibrated when he slammed the trunk of the vehicle shut after pulling out my luggage. He rounded it until he stopped at my door and swung me open, grabbing my arm roughly, yanking me out.

I stumbled slightly, trying to regain my footing after the abrupt act, brushing off any imaginary dust from my pants. He pulled me up the front stairs of the building along with my suitcase and backpack before opening the front entrance and shoving me in and haphazardly pushing my belongings in behind me.

“That’s enough, Yeongsuk, please take your leave now.” a smooth voice announced behind me making me jump nearly out of my skin. I spun around quickly and came face to face with a tall man; he had an intense gaze and sharp features, a mess of brown hair sitting atop of his head almost looking like it was styled that way. I raised my eyebrows at him and he gave me a gummy smile.

“Hi there!” his voice was a lot more chipper than it was just 30 seconds ago, “I’m Kris, I heard you were going to be in my ward, you are Sehun, right?”

I gave a small nod.

“If you would follow me please, we need to check you in and then I should probably show you around.”

I picked up my belongings and began trailing after the already walking man. I assumed he was a nurse, he was sporting the typical all white scrubs with white sneakers; he had the look of a nurse.

 

The inside of the monstrous building wasn’t as intimidating but more or less sterile. The floor was linoleum, white tiles speckled with pale blues and greens, the walls were white with nothing hanging on them, it even smelled like lemon scented cleaning products.

The hallway we were walking down was long and wide, the sound of my sneakers squeaking against the newly cleaned linoleum and resounding of the blank walls being the only source of sound as we walked.

Kris stopped suddenly and I nearly ran into his back, I should pay more attention.

We were in front of what one could only assume was the front office. A petite lady sat behind the counter, flipping through the pages of a magazine.

“Excuse me, Jiyeong, I would like to check this patient in.”

The small woman looked up at as and gave a warm smile.

“Good afternoon, Kris,” she greeted, “Oh, sure sure sure please take this, you know the drill.” She handed him a clipboard with a packet of papers clamped down on it and a pen connected to the clipboard by a small ball chain.

Kris leaned on the counter and began filling the paper out, I tried leaning over to see what he was writing down but he just leaned away from me, I shrugged it off and began examining the tile beneath my feet.

“Done, follow me, Sehun we should get your stuff to your room before the tour.”

We began walking down a side hall to a set of double doors that lead to a stairwell; the center of it had a chain-link fence surrounding it. I eyed it questioningly, Kris must’ve caught on because he answered my unvoiced question.

“The fence is there so no one can throw themselves over the railing.”

I nodded slowly, that was kind of…disturbing. We made our way up the stairs, stopping at the second floor landing.

 

This hallway was as vast as the first, other smaller hallways broke off from it.

“My ward is just down at the end.” the brown haired man explained.

We got to the end and turned left down another long hallway but this one wasn’t as wide, still pretty expansive but a bit smaller. It was lined with doors, all of them a few feet apart.

I turned back to look at the hallway leading to the right, it had less doors lining the walls but more bigger wider entrances, I brushed off my curiosity and followed the nurse.

We came to a door and Kris knocked on it lightly, no answer came.

He cracked the door open and peeked in before pushing it open all the way.

“Tao, well, your roommate must be out doing something right now, you’ll be able to meet him later. Please put your stuff down and come back so I can show you around.”

I walked over to the only other bed in the room that was still perfectly made unlike the other that had its blankets and sheets disheveled and pillows haphazardly tossed about.

I set my stuff carefully down onto the made bed.

“Oh, yes, I forgot to tell you, we need your shoes please.”

I turned around and gave a bemused look.

“You have to wear slip on shoes during your stay here, you never know what another patient could try to do with your shoelaces.”

The realization dawned on me, he means hang themselves or hurt another person, is he afraid I’m going to kill myself? Good call.

I sat on the edge of the bed and began untying my shoes and slipped them off before handing them to him.

“You and your roommate look to be the same size, let me see if he has an extra pair in his closet, one second.”

He walked over to a small closet on the wall furthest from me and began rummaging through it, letting out a small “A-ha!” and coming back out with a pair of all white slip on shoes.

“Here put these on.” He handed them to me and I did as told, slipping them on with ease over my mismatching socks.

“Do they fit well?” he asked.

I nodded slowly and stood up.

“You know you don’t talk much, do you?”

I shook my head.

“Well that’s okay, anyways come on time to start the tour!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhm, yeah.  
> Slow build.  
> Sorry.


	3. III

We began to stroll back down to where we came from.

“Well this is the dorm hallway of this ward,” Kris began, “and this is the activities roo-‘’ he stopped talking abruptly, being interrupted by the sound of a guitar floating out of the room, he rushed into the room and scanned the room with his eyes, I followed after to see what the big deal was.

A small boy? Man? I couldn’t tell, was sitting by the fenced in area where it looked like most of the activity supplies were stored, locked up so no questionable patients could get into it, presumably.

A guitar faced outward right up against the fence where the boy strummed the strings through one of the holes of the chain-link material.

“Kyungsoo? Kyungsoo what are you doing in here?” The loud voice made the boy jump up from his sitting position on the floor and up onto his feet, he turned to face us. His eyes were wide, he had a pale complexion and dark black hair, he was short but not that short, I only had maybe a few centimeters on him.

“Minji wanted me to play for her.”

Kris sighed.

“Kyunsoo, Minji isn’t real.” he said sternly.

The boy opened his mouth to protest but stopped when Kris raised a hand to stop him.

“Please do not argue and go back to your room.”

“Bu-“

“Now.”

The boy, kyungsoo, nodded and began walking out of the room before stopping and staring at me, eyeing me up and down, he gave me a heart shaped smile.

“Now means now, Kyungsoo.”

He nodded again and walked out of the room, closely followed by Kris who yelled down the hall to a nursing station.

“Joonmyun!” A small head topped with light, light blond hair popped out from around the corner, before the person fully entered the hallway and started walking towards us.

“Yes?”

“Please escort Mr. Do back to his room, and make sure the activities center is locked up when not in use.”

The other nurse nodded and looked towards Kyungsoo.

“Come on Kyungsoo, we have to go back now.” the blond chirped. The small male nodded enthusiastically and quickly grabbed the others hand as they made their way down the hall.

It was a weird sight to be honest. I looked towards Kris and he chuckled lightly, “The patients here see Joonmyun as a kind of motherly figure I guess you could say.”

I nodded and looked back at the retreating pair, Kyungsoo seemed to be talking excitedly about who knows what and the nurse laughed and bumped the others shoulder playfully.

 

“Come on we still have more to look at.”

We began walking down the hall again. Stopping in front of a large entrance to a room full of ornate looking rococo furniture.

“This is the living room, no one seems to spend any time in here, even during visiting hours, most patients use their rooms for visitors but if you’re caught doing anything prohibited you’ll have to be put under supervision during visits, understood?”

I nodded.

“Good.”

We walked a few more feet before stopping again.

“And this is the TV room, the majority of the patients spend most of their time in here.” he explained.

“Hey Kris!” someone yelled.

Kris looked into the room, eyes settling on a dangerously thin boy in a hospital gown.

“When can I get some normal fucking clothes? It’s like the goddamn tundra in this hellhole.”

Kris sighed.

“Listen, Luhan, I’ll ask about getting you a pair of sweats, but hey maybe if you would stop throwing up everything we give you to eat you could get some normal clothes but in the meantime you’re stuck in that gown.”

The patient named Luhan held up both of his middle fingers before rounding the couch and plopping down onto the worn out cushions, snatching the remote from the boy next to him and switching the channel.

 

I looked around the room, there were a few others sitting at a table by one of the large windows with bars over it, they were playing a game with cards, talking and laughing quietly. Three others were perched on the couch in front of the TV with a fourth sitting on the floor and another was sitting on a cushiony recliner, reading a thick book. None of them really paid any attention to us while we stood there.

“Lets go, Sehun, we have more to see.”

I nodded and we began walking again.

“The shared bathrooms are down there, the showers and everything are included, sorry to say this but we have to monitor patients whenever they have use the bathroom whether it be for a shower or using the toilet, so if you’re uncomfortable with it well, sorry you’ll just have to get used to it, kiddo.”

I cringed at the thought of someone having to ‘monitor’ me whenever I use the bathroom, how embarrassing.

“We also have a gym, just go down that stairwell,” he pointed to a pair of double doors, “and down the hall to the right should be the gym.”

I nodded and gave a thumbs up to show I understood.

We came across a nurse’s station and stopped, “We have a chalkboard hung up here with each patients name on it, from this ward at least, we update it daily so make sure to check everyday to see if you have any appointments, alright?”

 

“Oh but hey come on lets go back to your room, your roommate should be back by now.”

We headed to the dorms and came to my door, which was sitting slightly ajar. Kris knocked lightly again and waited a second before the door swung open. A lanky boy with short bleached hair, roots slightly grown out and dark brown, stood in the doorway, his eyes were almost catlike with heavy bags underneath probably from lack of sleep.

He smiled at us.

“Hello gege, what is it?”

I quirked a brow at what the boy called him but quickly dismissed it.

“Tao this is your new roommate, his name is Sehun,” Kris turned towards me, “Sehun this is Tao.”

The boy held out his hand, “Haung Zitao.”

I reluctantly grabbed his hand and shook it, his grip was firm, a little too firm.

“Oh Sehun,” Kris spoke for me, “he doesn’t speak much.”

The other boy nodded, mouth taking up a small ‘o’ shape, “I see, well that’s okay, it’s nice to meet you, Oh Sehun.” he stepped aside allowing me into the room.

“I have to leave now, behave.” Kris said before leaving and walking back down the hall.

The lanky boy flopped onto his bed and stared at me, it was kind of uncomfortable, ok scratch that, it was really uncomfortable.

I turned my back to him and began unzipping my suitcase when a loud commotion erupted out from the hallway. I whipped my head around but couldn’t see much out the door from this angle.

The sound of metal clattering onto the linoleum could be heard and yelling, a lot of yelling.

I shuffled to door and peeked out it, a few nurses were restraining a boy who was kicking his feet wildly while his arms were being held.

Tao shoved me out the door to get a better look. The boy down the hall spotted us and ripped from the nurses’ hold.

“Who’s that? Where the hell is Mingyu?” he asked.

When no one answered him he began advancing on us.

I backed up instinctively, backing into the room and stumbling over Tao’s shoes. Suddenly the boy was in the room, slamming the door behind him.

I backed into the corner by Tao’s bed, trying to make myself as small as possible. The boy shoved a chair from a desk by Tao’s bed underneath the doorknob, effectively locking it.

He marched over to me, slamming his forearm against my throat, pinning me into the corner and cutting off my air supply. I sputtered and coughed from the impact and tried to push him away.

“Who are you?” he shouted in my face, his eyes blazed with fury.

“Kim Jongin, open this door up right now!” someone shouted from behind the door, it sounded like Kris. He pounded on the door and jiggled the handle. It wouldn’t budge.

“WHERE IS MINGYU?” he pushed harder into my throat, I clawed at his arm but it wouldn’t move, I tried kicking, kneeing, anything to get this mad man off of me.

Between the boy’s yelling and nonstop blows on the door my head became fuzzy or was it from the cut off of my air supply? Quiet wheezing sounds left my lips and my eyelids began to droop closed. There was more shouting but I couldn’t make out what he was yelling, probably the same thing as before.

 

The incessant pounding on the door made the legs of the chair start to slide across the linoleum making it finally give in. The chair fell to the floor with a loud clatter. The door slammed open and a very angry looking Kris stormed in, ripping the boy from me. I fell to my knees, eyes snapping fully open and began coughing wildly, trying to breathe in as much as I could.

“WHERE IS MINGYU?” he shouted again, wriggling in the tall nurse’s hold. He was dragged out into the hall where the blond nurse from earlier injected him with a syringe. He wriggled some more but progressively got more and more lethargic.

Once the boy was almost completely reserved they carried him down the hall to a different type of door than the rest, the door was larger and completely made of metal with a little window slot towards the top.

 

Tao was then there, helping me off the floor and onto my own bed, “Do you need anything? Are you hurt? Want me to get someone?” he began firing questions left and right. I held my hand up and shook my head no and he quieted down.

“That was Jongin.” he began, I nodded because, well I already knew that.

He went and sat on his own bed, heaving a long sigh.

“Mingyu was my roommate before you,” he started explaining, “him and Jongin were pretty much inseparable, after Jongin got out, well escaped, Mingyu hung himself in the gym with one of the basketball nets. This happened, what, a week ago?” he explained nonchalantly, it was almost disturbing the way he told me this information, shouldn’t a normal person be horrified when saying something like that? But then again these aren’t normal circumstances, are they?

“He’ll be in the constraint room for a day or two, that should be enough time for you to be able to regain your composure and settle in, yeah?” I cringed at the words ‘constraint room’, what the hell?

He eyed me and I nodded as an answer.

“There are a few others in this ward as you probably know, there’s nine, including me and the wonderful ray of sunshine Jongin that you got to meet a few minutes ago.” he laid back on his bed and stared up at the ceiling. Deciding that now was a better time than ever I started finally unpacking my belongings.

“What are you here for anyways?” he questioned suddenly. I stopped pulling a pair of pants out of my suitcase halfway and looked up at him, he was looking back. I don’t really know what I’m here for to be honest.

I simply shrugged and he just nodded and looked back at the ceiling.

“I’m here because I hurt someone at school in a fit, I have intermittent explosive disorder, do you know what that is?” I shook my head.

“I guess it’s basically where I have random outbursts of anger that are really disproportionate to the situation that caused it, I mean just don’t piss me off and you’ll be fine.” he chuckled and turned on his side, head resting on his palm while his elbow supported it.

“There’s Yixing, or a lot of people call him Lay around here, he has depersonalization disorder, he sometimes is just really detached from his own physical person and thoughts, kind of disconnected from reality and a lot of the time is in an almost dreamlike state, doesn’t talk much.”

I began stuffing shirts into a dresser next to my bed, it was identical to the one by Tao’s bed.

“Hmmmm then there’s Minseok, he’s a compulsive liar, you know what that is right?” I nodded, “Alright, oh! Then there’s Chanyeol and Baekhyun, they’re like two peas in a pod, Chanyeol has antisocial personality disorder, which actually isn’t like what most people think it means, he actually talks a lot and is very personable… most of the time, which is why he and Baek are so close, Baekhyun is the only one that can deal with his bullshit.”

This kid talks a lot.

“Baekhyun himself is anorexic, you know doesn’t eat much.” I stopped shoving shirts into a drawer and thought back to earlier, didn’t I see a boy with an eating disorder? But his name was Luhan, wasn’t it?

“There are actually two people here with eating disorders, another one is named Luhan, he’s bulimic, you know eats a lot and then throws up? I wouldn’t talk to him, he’s an asshole.” he stated bluntly. I nodded, he sure is from what I saw earlier.

“There’s also Kyungsoo,” ah the boy I saw earlier, “He’s a schitzophernic, paranoid-type to be specific, he often has hallucinations of people who aren’t real, the nurse’s here encourage us to be as stern as possible with him when telling him his delusions aren’t real but it’s just so hard because he’s really nice and it hurts him a lot to find out his thoughts and reality aren’t actually real, it’s really sad honestly.” he explained.

“Hmmm am I missing someone? I think I am.” he started counting on his fingers and had a thoughtful expression on his face.

“Oh!” he nearly shouted, making me jump.

“There’s also Jongdae, he has dissociative identity disorder, you know like uh, multiple personality disorder or something.”

I zipped up my suitcase and set it neatly by my dresser and laid down on my bed.

Tao began talking idly in the background, I chose to block it out, he really could talk a lot.

I sighed, this was going to be a long stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know a few of these disorders don't require being institutionalized, they would have back in the day like 60s-70s which was when i was going to make the story take place but then i thought back to the first chapter when i said sehun's parents were on their phones and was like "well shit, i fucked up." so i guess its modern time but people still treat the mentally afflicted just as they did back in the day.  
> You'll also find out Jongin's and Sehun's disorders in due time~  
> I also don't have a set place, like country or even continent for where this takes place, its neither korea nor america or anything like that, so you can assume it takes place wherever you want!  
> Sorry for any typos or grammatical mistakes.  
> Anyways this end note is rly long sorry about that~~


	4. IV

“Sehun? Sehun?” I groaned and slapped a hand that was prodding my shoulder.

My bed dipped by the added weight of another person, “Sehun?” I grabbed my pillow from underneath me and put it over my head.

I heard a slight sigh before the person got off. Cracking my left I eye open I slowly peeked out from under the pillow, both eyes opening and widening in shock when I saw another person running at the bed and jumping onto it.

“Get up! You’ll miss dinner if you don’t get up now!” Tao yelled as he jumped up and down on my bed.

Why the hell is this kid so comfortable with me? One of us is not going to survive my stay here if he puts this annoying act up.

I pulled the pillow from my face and stared up with an incredulous expression. He laughed lightly and hopped down, “Come on it’s dinner time.” he chirped.

I sat up slowly and groggily rubbed my eyes, when the hell did I even fall asleep?

The other boy stood in front of me and bounced impatiently on his feet. This kid was a little too chipper, especially when staying in this place. I got to my feet and stumbled over to my shoes, my head was killing me.

“Come on I’ll show you where the cafeteria is!” he exclaimed, grabbing onto my arm and dragging me out before I could barely get my shoes all the way on.

“Everyone else is already there and eating but I decided to stay back and try to wake you up.” he looked back and smiled at me and I returned it with a genuine smile plastered onto my face, he may be annoying and overjoyed but at least he was nice.

It’s hard to imagine that this kid could ever get angry enough to hurt another person.

 

He led me down the corridor past the living room and TV room and through the double doors that led to a stairwell. Our loud steps sounded, bouncing off the white walls.

I dragged my hand along the fence in the center opening, a loud rattling sound coming from the chain-link fence.

Do I really belong here? Am I really that crazy that I need to be institutionalized?

No. I’m not crazy, sometimes life just needs to slow down, y’know?

I don’t even know why I’m actually here in this “psychiatric center” yet here I am, walking down a dull stairwell with dull walls, in these bland shoes in this unflattering fluorescent lighting.

I was pulled from my thoughts when we suddenly came to a stop on the first floor landing.

The blond boy in front of me pushed the doors open and the smell of steamed broccoli invaded my nose, needless to say it did not make my already nonexistent appetite any better.

“Here the cafeteria is this way, pick up the pace, kiddo.”

Kiddo?

I scowled, I’m not a kid.

 

We came to another set of doors, they were white with square windows towards the top, giving anyone to walk by an okay view of the inside of the cafeteria.

Tao swung the doors open a little too roughly, they swung and slammed against the metal doorstoppers bolted to the floor emitting a loud bang.

The majority of the cafeteria stopped what they were doing to turn and look at us.

We both gave sheepish grins and walked in.

“Here, I normally sit over there at that table, you can sit there too if you’d like, we normally sit according to which ward we’re in anyways.”

He looked back at me with an expectant look in his eyes. I simply nodded because well, why not? I don’t have anywhere else.

He led me over and sat me down on a seat and plopped down next to me.

The occupants of the table paid little attention to us late arrivals so Tao spoke up.

“Guys…” no response, “Guys!”

Only a few stopped their conversations and eating to glare over at the imposing voice.

“What do you want Zitao?” a deep voice snapped.

The exuberant boy next to me didn’t seemed fazed by the irritated tone and just smiled knowing he finally go the attention of the table.

“This is my new roommate!” he exclaimed.

This seemed to pique interest of a few.

They turned their full attention to Tao and I, firing off questions and comments here and there.

“So you’re the newbie huh?”

“Oh I see, you’re taking over Mingyu’s spot.”

“Wait Mingyu is gone?” followed by a “Of course Mingyu is gone you idiot, we weren’t allowed to use the gym for a few days because of him, remember?”

“Oh yeah.”

I shuddered, they seemed so fine with the absence of this ‘Mingyu’, was he not a good person? Was he mean to them? I wonder why he did it, did he have the same problem as me? Did he just want all of the shit to stop? Did that Jongin character drive him to do it?

Someone grabbing my arm suddenly jerked me from my thoughts. I looked over at Tao who was giving me an incredulous look.

“I’ve been trying to get your attention for a while now, are you hungry? We should probably get food before the kitchen closes.”

I shook my head, an appetite was probably what I was lacking in most right now.

“Alright suit yourself, I’ll be right back.” he informed, getting a “Please, take your time.” from one of the occupants of the table afterwards.

He just shook his head and walked away.

Why are these people so bitter?

“So what are you in for?”

I snapped my head around to find the owner of a voice, eyes landing on a thin boy with a mess of black hair stuffed under a red baseball cap, eyes turning into crescents as he smiled at me from across the dull gray table. Well he didn’t seem bitter but if he was anything like Tao I don’t know if I could handle it, dealing with one merry fool was hard enough, but two? No thank you.

I simply shrugged.

“Oh okay, what’s your name?”

I gave him a blank stare, his already disappearing smile completely vanished.

“Can you not talk? Do you not know your own name?”

Of course I know my own name, is this kid some sort of lamebrain?

Someone sat down in the seat beside me, setting a tray of food on the table.

“His name is Oh Sehun.” Tao stated, digging into what looked like potatoes.

The boy across from me turned his attention to Tao.

“Can he talk?”

The blond shrugged.

“I think so, I just think he chooses not to.”

The thin boy nodded and turned his attention back to me.

“Can you?”

I nodded.

“Why don’t you speak then?”

I shrugged, I don’t even think I know myself, I stopped shortly after my incident, but I wasn’t going to elaborate with that.

There was a long silence at the table, the only sound coming from silverware on the metal trays.

 

“Well I’m Baekhyun.” the boy finally said, smile returning.

I bowed my head slightly.

“And this is my good friend Chanyeol!”

I looked to his side where he was pointing his thumb, a tall figure with with a shock of wine red hair, ears sticking out from underneath the mess, stared at me with a bored expression.

I raised my eyebrow and gave a small salute as a greeting, he huffed and looked back at his food, taking a large bite, “Don’t worry he’s normally a lot more pleasant he’s just mad because I wouldn’t fu-” he quickly stopped speaking when the other sent him a piercing glare.

He laughed nervously and quickly averted his gaze.

“Well anyways, that’s Xiumin and Luhan down there.” he gestured towards the end of the table and I followed the direction, to see the verbally aggressive male from earlier and another, the one that was reading the book in the TV room, enveloped in a conversation with each other, ignoring the meager introductions that were going on.

“Kyungsoo is that one there next to you.” I looked to my left and he was indeed sitting next to me, he looked over in my direction, eyes wide and hands slightly jittery, “Good to see you again.”

“I don’t know where Jongdae is right now, do any of you know?” Baekhyun asked looking around the table, not receiving a solid answer from anyone, getting a “I don’t know, why don’t you go look for him.” here and a, “why does it matter?” there.

He sighed.

“Anyways, I guess Jongdae isn’t here right now he’s probably off doing something weird I’m sure, but Yixing is down there.”

I looked and a few seats down there was another person sitting by themselves, hands in his lap, fingers intertwined as he stared down at his tray, unmoving.

I raised an eyebrow, how queer, then again most of the people here are particularly queer.

 

An older women also wearing white scrubs like the rest of the staff here approached our table, wheeling a cart behind her.

“Is everyone finished here?”

They all nodded as their answer and began passing their trays and utensils down in orderly fashion to her.

She eyed one of the trays still untouched and then eyed Baekhyun who was looking away, trying to avoid her gaze. She sighed and stacked the trays onto the cart and gathered up all of the utensils, placing them in a small metal basket and then moving onto the next table.

“I call remote!” Tao shouted as he sprung up from his seat.

“You had it last night!” Baekhyun accused.

Tao simply waved off the older boy and began ambling out of the cafeteria.

The rest of the table started to get up, all talking amongst themselves.

I stayed put, I don’t want to go back, I want to go home, I want to go back to my own bed in my own room, I want to wear my own shoes and do my own thing.

Out of all the interruptions in my life this is by far the biggest.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: bad chapter imo, im just really tired i stayed up until 4am last night working on a powerpoint i should have done last week OTL im dumb. I also have finals this week so i apologize if i dont update quickly but hey at least my day classes are over, now i just have lame night classes.
> 
> Also thanks for the kudos thats cool~
> 
> anyways sorry for mistakes n stuff, y'know.


	5. V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> minor warning for language towards the end, jongin really has no shame does he? learn some manners boy.

I stared blankly down at the tiny cup in my hand, two round white pills sat at the bottom. I looked back up to the nurse that handed them to me, giving an inquiring look.

“They’re sleeping pills.” he stated.

Sleeping pills? Why would I need these?

I shook my head and tried to hand the small container back. The nurse’s gaze turned hard.

“Are we going to have a problem?” he asked harshly.

I huffed and shook my head once again, bringing the small cup back to my person and examining it again.

“Can you hurry up for Christ’s sake.” I looked back at the line behind me, the others waiting impatiently to get their medications. I began to walk away when the nurse’s voice stopped me.

“Take them here.”

I glared at him and held the cup to my mouth, tipping my head back and letting the dusty pills slide down my throat. I shuddered and set the cup back down on the counter roughly.

“Open up.”

This was seriously getting irritating but I obliged and opened my mouth, sticking my tongue out to prove I actually swallowed the pills. The nurse nodded in approval and waved me away shouting a “next!”.

I made my way into the TV room and sat down on one of the worn couches. There was a game show playing on the screen, what was it called again? Jeopardy?

I sighed and looked over to a clock hanging on the wall, it was encaged in a thick wire cage, I quirked an eyebrow but brushed it off as unimportant so I could focus on my main task at hand, the time. It was currently 9:30p.m. and I was seriously starting to feel the effects of those pills. I yawned loudly and got up, it’s probably best I crash into my own bed rather than on the couch, who knows what would happen to me.

I shambled down the hallway to where the rooms were, rubber bottoms of my shoes squeaking loudly as I shuffled along. I stopped when I got to my door looking to the end of the corridor where the isolation room door was open.

Two nurses hauled Jongin up to his feet, his head lolled to the side, he was sedated out of his fucking mind, wasn’t he? Good, stay that way and stay away from me.

The nurses half dragged, half carried him out of the room and further up the hall to where I could only assume was his room.

One of the nurses looked up and caught my stare, giving me a critical glare, I waved slightly and smirked, do they think they’re intimidating?

I slipped into my room and kicked my shoes off by the bed before face planting onto it.

The last thing I heard before passing out was someone informing over the intercom system that it was ‘Lights out in ten minutes.’ before I succumbed to unconsciousness.

 

* * *

 

I awoke to the sound of my door opening, I cracked my eyes open to see a bright light flooding into the room making me squint.

“Just doing a checks, you may go back to sleep.” a voice announced. I nodded dazedly and flopped my head back onto my pillow, closing my eyes once again and passing out.

 

* * *

 

My eyes flickered open, the sound of music drifted throughout mine and Tao’s shared room. I glanced at the clock radio sitting on top of my bedside table, bright green digital numbers reading 6:30a.m. blinked back at me.

I turned my head to look at the bed next to mine to find Tao sitting on his bed, blankets shoved to the end, his own clock radio from his bedside table was sitting next to him as he scribbled something down in a journal, I scowled at the obnoxiously loud music that floated from the small speakers. I turned my head back around and stared at the blank wall, covering my ears with my hands trying to muffle the sound, eventually closing my eyes and willing myself back to sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

The sound of the door slamming woke me up, looking at the clock I came to the conclusion that it was now 9:00a.m. Deciding that it’s a better time than ever to get up, I sat up and yawned loudly, face scrunching up at the taste of morning breath in my mouth.

I scratched the back of my head, grimacing at how grimy it felt, a shower and some serious teeth brushing would probably be the best idea right now.

Sluggishly pulling myself out of bed and slipping on my shoes I grabbed a change of clothes from the dresser and toothbrush and other bathroom necessities from my backpack.

 

The hallway was eerily quiet when I stepped out into it, the only sound was quiet music coming from the radio at the nurses’ station.

I began walking down the hallway, taking in the peace and quiet along the way to the bathrooms.

The TV room was empty along with the normally empty living room, weird.

 

I finally made it to the bathroom and opened the door, taking in the bright white color that seemed to cover everything from the walls to the sinks to the tile floors.

A man sat by the entrance, perched on a bright red plastic chair, flipping through the pages of a magazine, only looking up when he finally noticed my presence.

“Shower?” he asked.

I simply bobbed my head up and down.

He got up and set his magazine down on the seat and walked over to a cabinet imbedded in the wall with a padlock on it.

He unlocked it and grabbed a towel from it, throwing it over to me without warning and closing the cabinet and locking it once again.

The towel dropped to the tile.

Thanks for the warning, pal.

I bent over and picked it up, shaking the nonexistent grime off of it.

“Don’t pull anything funny, kid, I’ll be sitting right here.” the guy informed.

I rolled my eyes but nodded and made a beeline for the showers, choosing one at the very end and slipping in, closing the curtain behind me. I set my things on the tile and began stripping my clothes off and neatly folded them, hanging them on the towel bar along with my towel, carefully setting my toothbrush on top of the towel, balancing it so it wouldn’t fall to the floor.

I turned the shower on and stepped under the spray, flinching back when it came out icy cold. I turned the knob all the way to the hot option but the temperature didn’t change at all, it must only run cold here. Sighing, I began my routine; hair, body, teeth, face, finally beginning to get somewhat used to the freezing water.

 

The shower was a less than pleasant experience, the water was icy and it apparently shut off after a certain amount of time, leaving my face still coated in soap.

I growled and twisted the knob in all directions, trying to get it back on but to no avail.

I groaned, squeezing my eyes shut to avoid getting soap in them and groped along the wall searching for the towel bar, found it and grabbed the towel to wipe my face clean.

I dried and got dressed, wanting to get into my clothes as soon as possible because I was borderline hypothermic. Bunching my unwashed clothes and towel up I headed to the door when the male from before stopped me.

“Towels stay here, kid.”

I turned and stared at him before dumping the towel in front of him and walking out, smirking at his indignant expression.

 

I dropped my things off back in my room and headed to the cafeteria, skipping dinner last night was not my smartest move ever, my stomach growled like it was some rabid animal and I felt a certain queasiness that came along with the hunger.

The cafeteria smelled more appealing this morning than it had last night. I wandered over to the food counter and looked around, it looked like a normal school kitchen to be honest. I grabbed a metal tray and slid it down the counter, an elderly woman behind it gave me a gentle smile and began placing food onto my tray.

My meal consisted of two small pancakes, apple slices, and milk; I wasn’t too thrilled about the measly meal but I suppose it’ll do.

I scanned the cafeteria until my eyes landed on the table from yesterday and slowly made my way to it and sat down in the same seat.

Everyone looked half dead from just waking up, everyone except Tao who seemed as lively as ever. I began picking at my food, cautious of eating anything from anyone other than my mother. I stopped when a voice spoke up, “Are you here for an eating disorder too?”

I furrowed my brows and looked up from the tray, meeting eyes with Baekhyun who was lazily propping his head up with his hand, elbow on the table, “Because you’re just playing with your food.”

I slowly shook my head and returned my gaze to the tray once again, actually beginning to eat this time.

“Oh that’s right you don’t talk much, huh?” he said before turning to his friend beside him and began chatting idly.

 

“Hey you’re the kid Jongin attacked yesterday right?” a familiar voice piped up. I lifted my gaze and looked towards the end of the table where Luhan was looking back and smirking, “How was that for a first impression?” he snickered.

“Luhan, cut it out.” Tao spoke up in my defense. Luhan’s gaze quickly snapped to the boy next to me who was staring down at his tray, lazily pushing leftover food around.

“You gonna make me?”

Tao sighed and looked over to the trying boy, “Of course not, wouldn’t want to hurt your feeble self now would I?” he said sardonically. Luhan snorted, “Do you have a crush on him or something? Why are you sticking up for him? You don’t even know him.” The rest of the table watched the exchange of words going on between the two boys.

Tao sighed again, “It’s really too early for this and I just don’t want to deal with your attitude, can’t you just act your age for once?”

“Act my age?”

“Yes that is what I said.”

“What the fuck is that, “act my age”? What do I care how old I am? The ocean is old as fuck, Tao, but it will still drown your sorry ass with vigor.”

Tao slammed his utensils down onto the tabletop and began to lift himself from his seat, his intent very clear to the rest of the table as Baekhyun and Kyungsoo both grabbed onto his arm and pulled him back into his seat. Just as this happened the same lady from yesterday came to our table and gave us all concerned looks before asking for our trays and utensils. I passed mine down and suddenly felt a hand grab my elbow, I turned to look at the person who grabbed me and came face to face with Tao who had a resentful expression on his face.

“Come one, we have group therapy at 11.” he informed flatly and pulled me up from my seat and began leading me out of the cafeteria.

“We shouldn’t be late to that, Kris would be disappointed.”

I caught a glance of the clock on the way out, it’s only 10:30.

I quirked a brow at him and pulled my elbow out of his grasp, was I some incompetent toddler? I didn’t need some boy escorting me everywhere.

He looked back at me with a puzzled expression, “Is something wrong?”

I shook my head.

His face became more confused until he shrugged and turned back around, walking into the stairwell and disappearing. I slowly followed behind, taking my time to climb up to the second floor.

 

I entered the lengthy hallway of the ward I was placed in and began making my way towards the TV room, finding a few others spread out around the room. Luhan was sprawled out on the couch, legs sitting on Minseok’s lap, both engrossed in something on the television, I glared daggers at the thin boy before glancing around the rest of the room.

Baekhyun and Chanyeol were sitting in the far corner by one of the windows playing a game of checkers, Baekhyun let out a loud, “You cheated!” to which Chanyeol responded with “No I didn’t you’re just bad at this.”

Baekhyun let out a low growl and fell back into his seat and crossed his arms, obviously vexed.

 

Joonmyun approached the room with a bright smile, “Get going to the therapy room, you know the routine.” he said before quickly walking down the hall.

They all groaned in unison and slowly one by one began to get up and exit.

I quickly followed, I had no idea where the therapy room was, I still had no idea where most of anything was around here.

“I don’t see why we have to go to these stupid things, they don’t even do anything.” Baekhyun whined.

“Me either but it’s required or something,” Minseok began, “Some type of fucked up group bonding experience I guess.”

I couldn’t agree more.

The group stopped in front of a pair of doors before pushing it open and walking in.

The room was just as bland as the rest of the building, only it had a pungent smell to it that I couldn’t quite place. There was a circle of the same bright red plastic chairs, like the one from the bathroom, in the center of the room.

A few others were scattered amongst the chairs already, doing various things to occupy themselves, biting their nails or picking lint from their clothes.

 

I took a seat next to Tao and leaned back into the uncomfortable plastic chair. The rest took a seat and began to chat amongst themselves.

The door swung open and Kris sauntered in and took a seat next to Yixing who was leaning back in his chair and twisting a small lock of hair in between his fingers.

“Good morning,” Kris said trying to get the attention of the members of the group who were talking, he cleared his throat when they wouldn’t stop and began again, raising his voice this time, “I said good morning.”

The group quieted down and gave their undivided attention to the loud male.

“Kris why do we even do this? None of us even get anything from it.” the boy next to Baekhyun spoke up.

Kris hunched forward, elbows resting on his knees, hands underneath his chin.

“Because Jongdae, I just love spending my time with all of you wonderful rays of sunshine, can’t you tell?”

Jongdae simply rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest with a huff.

Kris smirked at this and opened up the folder he brought in with him and began rummaging through it.

“Well where should we begin? Should we go from left to right or right to le-”

 he was cut off when one of the doors to the room suddenly swung open, banging on the door stopper obnoxiously before a figure strolled in.

Kris looked back to see who the intruding person was, sighing when he realized who had suddenly interrupted the group session.

“Glad to see you came to join us, Jongin.”

The boy smirked, and looked around the circle, eyes zeroing in on me at the far side of the circle, he looked to both sides of me where both seats were currently occupied.

“Tao,” said boy visibly flinched when his name was addressed, “move over.”

The boy next to me slowly nodded and slid over into the empty seat next to him.

“Kim Jongin, what do you think you’re doing?” Kris asked sternly.

Jongin waved him off dismissively and sat in the seat next to me.

I fixed my gaze on the floor in front of me, eyes narrowed, was this guy serious?

“Don’t try anything funny, do you hear me Kim Jongin?” Kris grumped before turning to his left, facing Yixing.

“Yixing, you go first today, anything happen since last session?”

The boy stopped twirling his hair and slowly looked around the circle, staring at each person for a few seconds, he shrugged and smirked “Nope.” he announced, popping the ‘p’ at the end.

“Really, nothing happened at all?”

He nodded in confirmation.

“Ugh alright then, Jongdae you go next, anything happen?”

The boy in question tapped his chin thoughtfully for a few seconds and turned to Kris with a smile, “Absolutely nothing at all.” Kris sighed at the response and focused in on Tao, “How about you, Tao?” said boy grinned widely, “I got a new roommate!” he exclaimed.

Jongin’s face scrunched in annoyance.

“Yeah why exactly did you get a new roommate? Did Mingyu get released or something?”

I could feel him shift next to me, knee bumping into mine. I frowned and moved to the other edge of my seat.

Luhan snorted from across the circle and leaned forward, “Your precious Mingyu offed himself when you decided to run away.” he stated bluntly and leaned back.

“Shut up fatass I didn’t ask you now did I?” Jongin spat.

Luhan seethed from his chair, fists balled up tightly.

Minseok leaned towards him, “I don’t think you’re fat.”

The thin boy shoved him away, “You’re a compulsive liar.” the other male smiled and leaned back into his own space, “Yeah you’re right, maybe I was lying maybe I wasn’t I guess you’ll never know.”

Jongin scowled in disgust at the two and turned to Kris, “Did he really kill himself?” he inquired.

Kris groaned and rubbed his temples as if he had an oncoming headache and nodded.

Jongin slumped in the chair next to me, although he did sort of attack me yesterday I did feel a bit bad for the guy.

“Sehun, how about you? How was your first night here?”

I turned my gaze to Kris who was staring at me expectantly.

I slid down in my chair a little and crossed my arms over my chest.

No way I’m going to start talking to these goons just for some lame group therapy.

Kris sighed and continued on to the next member, I averted my attention away from some ridiculous story Minseok was telling and decided that counting the ceiling tiles would be more productive than this group therapy ordeal.

 

“Well that’s it for today,” Kris closed the folder on his lap and stood up, “Don’t forget to check the board on your way to wherever you’re going for any appointments.”

The group grumbled quietly, slowly trickling out of the room to go to their destinations.

I sighed and slowly got up out of the chair and ambled out of the room. Making my way to check the board, I glared up at the column with my name written in light green chalk at the top “Oh Sehun-Wednesday-Group Therapy 11a.m.-Individual therapy 1p.m.”

“Oh hey look I have therapy right after you.” a voice spoke right next to me, I jumped and looked over to see Jongin grinning smugly at me. I furrowed my brow and looked back at the board finding the column with Jongin’s name written on it.

“Kim Jongin-Wednesday-Group Therapy 11a.m.-Individual therapy 1:45p.m.-Check Up 4p.m.”

I mussed my hair and looked back to the boy, nodding slightly. I turned to walk away, making my way to the TV room with the presence of the other following me being all too real.

I sat down on a worn couch furthest away from the TV, next to Yixing who was absently staring out the window.

Jongin dragged a chair from one of the tables sitting in the large room, metal legs scarping loudly across the linoleum. He placed it in front of me and fell into it, crossing his legs, staring at me expectantly.

I raised a brow, sending a slightly loathing look his way.

He shrugged and pulled a small crumpled up box from his jeans pocket and plucked a thin white stick from it.

“Hey Joonmyun!” he called over his shoulder to the nursing station just a few feet away from the TV room.

The nurse strolled out the doorway and came over to us, “Can I help you with something, Jongin?” he questioned.

“Be a doll will you and light my cigarette.”

Joonmyun’s face twisted slightly in irritation at the way the other spoke to him but soon went back to a light smile and dug into the pocket of his perfectly white scrubs, fishing out a bright yellow lighter, lighting it and holding it towards the demanding boy.

Jongin placed the tip of the cigarette into the small flame and took a deep drag, exhaling shortly afterwards, wispy smoke floated up to the ceiling.

Joonmyun turned towards me and waved the lighter slightly, Jongin also turned towards me and held out the pack.

I eyed it suspiciously, snatching a stick after a brief hesitation and gingerly placed it between my lips, leaning forward to stick it into the flame before inhaling deeply, the machine-made chemical taste finding its way into my mouth and settling on my tongue, suffocating my taste buds. The thin smoke snaked down my throat and into my lungs, briefly suspended before I exhaled slowly.

Joonmyun bobbed his head a little before turning on his heel and heading back to his station.

Jongin took another drag and exhaled, aiming for the face of the boy next to me. Yixing remained unmoving at the offense, bringing about curious looks on both mine and Jongin’s faces. Jongin turned back to face me and shrugged, leaning back in his chair more, draping an arm over the back and looking utterly relaxed.

 

“Ever done a Jinho?” he spoke up suddenly after a few minutes of silence.

I gave a confused look, eyebrows rising slightly.

“You know like Dr. Jung Jinho, some built guy with a small pecker and some first prize heifer for a wife? Ever screwed one?”

I choked on the latest inhalation of smoke, eyes widening and cheeks turning pink from the brash statement. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat avoiding his gaze. He smirked at me before hopping up out of his seat and leaning over me to stab his cigarette into the tray on the side table next to me. I leaned back instinctively, anxious at the close proximity. He leaned back again, “See you later, Sehunnie, have fun at your therapist appointment.” and with that he turned and began sauntering back down the hall.

I stared after him, eyes narrowing at the retreating figure.

 

I sighed and looked over at the boy next to me, still staring out the window.

Quirking a brow I took a final drag of my cigarette and blew it in Yixing’s direction.

His head quickly snapped around, irritation evident on his features. I flinched back.

“Damn brat.” he quickly stood up and walked over to the other couch and sat down, glaring at me before turning to face the person next to him and starting up a conversation.

I grimaced, that was not the reaction I was expecting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone~~ my day classes are officially over so i only have night classes on tuesdays and thrusdays until the end of june ^^ yay~
> 
> i've also been studying mandarin like a demon, its so hard ( ；´Д｀)
> 
> this chapter was rly long tho, normally theyre only like 3 pages but this one was 8 ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ
> 
> anyways, i have some serious writers block rn and ugh sorry if my stuff isnt quality and as always sorry for any grammar mistakes


	6. VI

I sat in the therapist office, taking in all of the features of it. It was darker than the rest of the hospital, it had dark red walls and dark gray carpet speckled with black. The smell of cigars clung to everything in sight, the carpet, the chair I sat in, the walls and shelves.  
“Dr. Jung Jinho” was engraved into a golden name plaque sitting on top of a large mahogany desk. The endless sound of a ticking grandfather clock filled the stifling silence in the room.  
A man sat in a leather desk chair behind the desk, flipping through my file.  
He looked up at me, thick-rimmed black glasses slipping down his nose.  
“It says here that you had self-inflicted wounds when they found you after you swallowed the aspirin?”  
I avoided his gaze and stared out the window, a robin landed on the sill, insect trapped in its beak.  
“I must say, you have quite the lengthy medical record.” he continued, “Broken leg at age four, fractured wrist at age eight, dog attack at age ten,” I lifted my hand to my hair and ran my fingers through it, rubbing a couple of small scars as I did so, I dropped my hand and shrugged, “but then it gets really interesting, deep cuts and severe burns on your arms and thighs, bruised wrists. So tell me what that’s all about, have you been self-harming for a long time?”  
I looked at the large grandfather clock to my left, pendulum swinging slowly. It’s only been 15 minutes.  
I sighed and sank down in the chair, picking at my nails as I did so.  
“You’re not going to recover if you won’t talk, Sehun.” he stated.  
Recover? Recover from what? There’s nothing wrong with me.  
He began mumbling to himself while he flipped through my file some more.  
You know talking to yourself is a sign of being crazy, right?  
I chuckled internally at the thought and sat up, crossing my legs.  
23 minutes.  
There was a light knock on the door. Jinho stood and made his way over to it, opening it just a crack. Murmurs could be heard from behind it but I couldn’t make out what the voices were saying.  
“Sehun your parents are here, I would like to speak with the both of you at the same time, is it alright if I invite them in?” he asked.  
I shrugged and stared ahead of me.  
“Yes please come in.” I watched out of my peripherals as he opened the door wider and both of my parents made their way into the office.  
“Good afternoon, Sehun.” my mother said lightly, taking a seat in the chair next to mine.  
“Sehun if you could please take a seat over on the sofa while I speak with your parents.” Jinho requested.  
I huffed and got up, shuffling to the small couch against the wall by the door and flopped down into it, sinking into the puffy cushions.  
My father sat down in the chair beside my mother and grabbed her hand, rubbing soothing circles onto the back with his thumb.  
I raised a brow at the skinship, they never showed affection in public.

“I would like to talk about Sehun’s condition.” Jinho began.  
“Well yes of course,” my mothers delicate voice spoke, “What exactly is going on with my son?”  
Jinho simply nodded, eyeing me as he did so and then looked back at my mother.  
“Was he alone a lot as a child?”  
“W-well…wait what does that have to do with him now?” my father asked.  
“Please answer the question and I will answer yours.”  
There was a lengthy pause, the already hot air in the room seemed to go up 100 degrees as my father glared at Jinho before clearing his throat.  
“Yes, he’s an only child and his mother and I traveled a lot. We couldn’t have a little kid with us, that wouldn’t be good for him now would it?” he asked rhetorically, “So we left him with a babysitter, sometimes he’d stay with his grandmother if the sitter didn’t work out.”  
“How long would these trips be?” Jinho inquired while scribbling something down onto a notepad.  
“I don’t know, two, three weeks? Certainly not long.”  
Jinho snapped his head up and stared at my parents, “Not long? What would you consider long?”  
My parents sat in silence as they pondered this, “Maybe a month or more.” my mother spoke up.  
Jinho looked back down at the notepad and scribbled some more.  
“Can you explain his medical history for me?”  
“Shouldn’t you already have it?” my fathers voice came out harsh.  
“I do but I was just wondering why he has such an extensive record. Where should we start then,” he said and tapped his pen against the paper in my folder, “How about when he was four, how did he break his leg at age four?”  
Silence.  
The birds outside began chirping loudly, a warning call for danger nearby.  
There was a light sigh before my mother began speaking, “Well I actually recall it very clearly,” she fiddled with her and my fathers hands, “It wasn’t too late, maybe 8 o’clock in the evening. His father and I had just gotten back from a trip, we were both very exhausted.” she explained, eyes flitting over to me and back to her lap, “I was laying in bed, reading a book when he came in and jumped on the bed. He was just so hyperactive, crawling all over, I just wanted him to stop to go away, to stop distracting me,” she ran her free hand through her hair, “I didn’t mean to shove him so hard I swear I didn’t, he ended up falling off the bed and landed wrong.” she looked over at me, she had started crying, I stared back with an imploring look, how come she never told me this?  
35 minutes.  
Jinho slipped his glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose, “Thank you for elaborating, you don’t need to explain any further,” he said gruffly, “You have confirmed my beliefs about your son.”  
“Excuse me?” my mother whipped her head back around.  
“I believe your son has borderline personality disorder.” Jinho stated bluntly.  
“What’s that?” my father asked, confusion evident in his voice.  
“It is a personality disorder, it’s often more common in young women but can be found in males too.”  
“Well how did he get it?”  
Jinho ran a hand through his thick black hair, “It could possibly be because of his childhood.”  
“Wait, what? Are you trying to pin his problems on us now?” my father was outraged. The temperature became suffocating. I yanked the collar of my shirt away from my neck and rolled my eyes. Not wanting to take responsibility for your actions as usual, dad.  
“Not exactly.” Jinho said carefully.  
“Well how do you cure it?” my mother suddenly gushed.  
Jinho gave them an exasperated look, “You can’t just cure a mental disorder.”  
“Can you make him better?” she asked.  
Jinho nodded, “I could definitely try, but he won’t get better if he doesn’t try himself, we could try antipsychotics and mood stabilizers, but if he doesn’t start trying and talking his chances of recovering are miniscule.” he explained.  
I picked at little balls of lint clinging to the fabric of the couch, flicking them to the ground. My mothers voice spoke to me, I looked up and met her watery eyes, “Sehun, please, please try to get better.” she sniffled.  
Why do you even care? I scowled at her and crossed my arms over my chest, glaring daggers at both of my parents.  
45 minutes.  
Jinho gazed over towards me, “Our session is over, Sehun, I would like to speak with your parents alone for a quick second, I’ll see you out.” He stood and rounded his desk, walking over to the door and opened it, holding it open for me.  
I slowly got up and bolted out the door, I was not sticking around for goodbyes. 

A hand grabbing my arm jerked me to a stop and made me stumble backwards.  
“Where’s the fire, Silent Treatment?” Jongin smiled.  
Did he just call me silent treatment?   
I pulled my arm away from his grasp and exhaled deeply, might as well get used to him being around all the time.   
I pointed down to the end of the hallway where my parents were now speaking with Dr. Jung by the door and finally saying their goodbyes before making their way to the stairwell. Jongin followed the direction and stared at their retreating figures.  
“Your mom and dad?” he asked. I nodded as a reply and he grunted, “I understand completely,” he stated, “Although mine don’t visit me anymore.” his smile faltered slightly before going back to normal, he turned to face me fully.  
“They’re bastards anyways so I don’t mind.”  
Liar.

Kris walked out of the nurse station a few feet away, giving us a suspicious glance before drifting over and stopping behind Jongin, who seemed oblivious to the presence.  
“Jongin, are you bothering Sehun?”  
Jongin’s face scrunched in annoyance, he ran his hand through wild, almost white hair before turning around, beaming at Kris, “Now why would I do that?”  
The nurse quirked a brow, “Take a guess,” Kris aspersed, “And shouldn’t you be heading to individual therapy by now?” he said, checking his watch.  
“Probably.” was Jongin’s answer.  
Kris looked back up, a stern look on his face, “Get going. Now.”  
The boy straightened his posture swiftly, clicking his heels together and bringing his hand up into a salute, “Yes sir, Kris sir!” he nearly shouted before marching down the hallway to the therapist office, loud footsteps resounding throughout the corridor. Kris turned to watch him, making sure he got to his proper destination.  
I held in my bubbling laughter as Jongin spun back to face us when he got to the office door, saluting one last time before shoving the door open and marching in, slamming it loudly behind him.  
“That kid I swear…” Kris mumbled, he faced me once again, irritation shown on his features.  
“Stay out of trouble, yeah?” he moved past me and down the hall to the dorm hallway.  
I smiled to myself and walked to the TV room where most of the other patients were, a heated argument ready to break out any minute if the raised voices of Chanyeol and Baekhyun had anything to do with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: fun fact: i based Sehun's medical records off of my mine and my brother's LOL 
> 
> uh yeah


	7. VII

“Welcome back to the table, Jongin.” Luhan chirped, scooping a mass of peas into his mouth.

“You know, Luhan, it’s really good to be back, I just missed you guys so much and this food, oh man this food is just stellar.” he catapulted a chunk of carrot in the elder’s direction with his spoon.

I sat and pushed around the food on my plate, the lunch here wasn’t much better than the dinner, baked spaghetti that seemed to have been frozen since the first ice age was on the menu today.

“Hey Jongin,” Baekhyun started, Jongin who had been shoveling noodles that seemed to be more like mush into his mouth, stopped and looked up at the small boy, Baekhyun withered under his gaze before straightening up and clearing his throat, “I was just wondering why you attacked our new friend, Sehun.”

I looked up from my tray and glared at him and then looked at Jongin who was already staring back.

He turned back to Baekhyun with a smile growing on his face, “Well, because I’m crazy of course, didn’t you know?” he darted his eyes over to me and winked.

I sneered at him, arousing a small chuckle from the crazy haired boy.

He turned back to Baekhyun who muttered a “no shit” under his breath and turned back to his own tray as the table quieted down and finished the rest of lunch in silence.

 

* * *

 

I hastily made my way to the restroom. The bright white still blinded me as I walked in through the swinging door, squinting my eyes and waiting for them to adjust to the bright white fluorescent lights that shined on the all white tiles that were laid everywhere.

The plastic red chair from this morning was currently empty, neither man nor magazine in sight as I scanned the bathroom now that my eyes had adjusted.

I heard a gagging sound come from a stall at the far end of the bathroom. I scrunched my face up at the sound and slowly made my over to the stall, making sure my footsteps were silent so to not give my presence away.

More sounds came from behind the stall door. I bit my bottom lip, unsure if I should knock or not.

I inhaled deeply and nodded vehemently, trying to give myself assurance.

I rapped my knuckles against the door, all noises behind it seizing for the moment.

“Yes?” came a small raspy voice.

I exhaled and knocked again.

The door suddenly swung open. Luhan wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before jabbing my chest roughly with his index finger, “You, what the hell do you want?” he nearly shouted. I grimaced at the smell of vomit coming from the older boy as he spoke angrily.

He shoved my shoulder, “Well? Answer me.”

I simply gawked at him, mouth slightly agape.

He roughly shoved me into the wall, “Can’t you speak? Are you stupid? Huh?” he shoved my shoulder again.

I glowered at the thin boy, smacking his hand away when he moved to touch me again.

His expression turned to one of hostility, “If word of this gets out to anyone I will personally murder you, understood?”

He shoved me into the wall one last time before stomping out of the bathroom. Not a second later the bathroom attendant came back in, shooting me a disapproving glare as he made way to his seat and sat down with a puff. I inched towards the stall and creaked the door open, grimacing down at the contents in the toilet. Sighing, I flushed the toilet and walked out, all thoughts of using the restroom gone.

 

I walked out of the bathroom and towards the living room where most of the others were, a few were out attending appointments and such. Baekhyun was sprawled out on the rug in front of the couch, swinging his legs back and forth in the air as he scrolled through an old ipod classic, earphones shoved into his ears. Chanyeol sat right next to him, back against this couch while he read a book, he snatched the red cap off the small boys head. Baekhyun whined loudly before grabbing it and placing it firmly back on. Chanyeol gave him an irked look before taking it again and setting it to where the other couldn’t reach and began running his fingers through the others hair that was thinning from lack of proper nutrition. Baekhyun simply groaned and turned back to his music.

Jongdae was perched on the couch behind the tall male, knees drawn up to his chest with a dejected look on his face. Jongin was lounging on the couch next to the upset looking boy, socked feet tapping lightly against the others thigh.

I took a seat on the recliner to the right of the couch and observed the others, they all seemed fairly close I guess.

“Jongdae…” a high-pitched, boy-like voice chirped. I looked over to the couch where Jongin was extending his arm towards the boy, hand covered with a ratty puppet in the form of a mutt.

“Jongdae, don’t be sad.” he wiggled the small arms with his fingers, “Jongdae.” he called again.

Said boy turned towards him, “My name isn’t Jongdae, it’s Chen.”

Jongin perked up at this and sat up, “Wahh, nice to meet you Chen.” he jibed in the annoying voice, extending the right arm of the puppet towards Jongdae with his pinky. Jongdae let out an irritated sigh and got up from the couch and walked out of the room. Jongin snickered and laid back, turning his head to look at the TV, noticing me as he did so. He turned his body to the side and held the puppet out, “Hello Silent Treatment.” he jeered as he tapped my knee with the nose of the worn dog.

I smacked his hand away and narrowed my eyes at him.

He held the puppet back out, speaking in the high-pitch voice again, “Who stole your heart and put ice in its place? Lighten up, Silent Treatment.”

 

The same nurse that gave me sleeping medication the night before came into view, metal tray in his hand filled with the same small paper cups.

“Sit up Byun.” he said gruffly, holding down a cup so the boy could grab it. Baekhyun slowly got up onto his knees, gently taking the cup and downing the pills.

The nurse grunted and moved on to the rest, each taking their respective medications.

“Here you go Jongin.” Jongin hastily sat up, swiping the cup from the nurse’s hand and quickly taking the pills inside. He opened his mouth and stuck his tongue out to the nurse who took the cup back with a nod. The nurse turned his back to the boy and proceeded to walk my way. I watched as Jongin looked over at me, opening his mouth and sticking his tongue out wiggling it from side to side as two brightly colored pills sat on top of it. He plucked them off and slid them under the cushion of the couch and turned his head back around to face the worn puppet still on his hand.

“You again. We’re not going to have any problems this time, are we?” the nurse asked as he stopped in front of me, searching the tray for the cup of my medications.

“We’re not going to have any problems are we?” Jongin mocked in the high-pitch voice.

He looked back to me again with a smirk, I avoided his gaze and looked the nurse in the eyes defiantly and shook my head. He dumped the pills into my outstretched palm and I quickly popped them into my mouth, swallowing nothing but my own saliva as I maneuvered them to sit under my tongue. I opened my mouth and stuck my tongue out, careful to not let them become exposed. He didn’t spare me a second glance before moving on down the hall. I looked back to Jongin, “Are we going to have a problem?” he repeated. I grinned and stuck my tongue out when the nurse was out of sight, showing him the brightly colored tablets, he returned my grin with his own wolfish smile, “Nope, no problem, no problem at all.” he said with the same annoying voice as I grabbed the pills and quickly slipped them into my jeans pocket.

 

“Hey Sehun?” I heard a voice say, I looked around the room, spotting Baekhyun who was staring at me expectantly. He crawled over and stopped in front of my seat, resting his chin on my knee. I shifted backwards into the chair, uncomfortable with the close proximity. He sighed and held out his hand, two pills resting in his palm, “Those looked like laxatives, will you trade them for Chanyeol’s Valium?” I stared at the boy for a few seconds before digging my hands into my pocket and fishing out the tablets I had just put I there. I slowly placed them into his open hand and grabbed the Valium.

The thin boy popped the medicine into his mouth and inclined his head in thanks before he crawled back over to his place on the rug, flopping down onto his stomach with an  _‘oof’_.

I stared down at the pills, what was I supposed to do with these? I don’t take Valium.

Someone sat on the armrest and I looked up to see Jongin staring down at me.

“Here give them to me, I’ll take them.”

He held out his hand, now devoid of the old worn out puppet. I looked back up to his face and raised an eyebrow.

“Come on Silent Treatment, if you’re not going to take them just hand them over, yeah?” he spoke, voice showing his slight irritation.

I gave him a sly look before bringing my hand up to my mouth and dropping them into my mouth, swallowing them.

He gaped at me, his expression one of someone who was absolutely miffed.

I chuckled quietly as he narrowed his eyes at me and pushed himself up off the armrest, “Fucking killjoy.” he huffed and stomped out of the room, resembling more of a child throwing a tantrum than an adult.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay hello~~ 
> 
> it's been over a week since i updated last and wow im sorry lol, i have no real reason except physical ailment but even then i still could have updated so my REAL excuse is:
> 
> -The Office marathon  
> -Parks and Recreation marathon  
> -Netflix in general  
> -Laziness  
> thats it, thats my excuse bc i truly suck
> 
> anyways im going to be gone all next week, im gonna be in Miami(yo yo swaqq) and wont be able to update v.v but i might update once more before i leave idk yet
> 
> alrighty then i just kinda threw this together so??? yeah bad
> 
> and i read over this more times than necessary so hopefully there arent that many typos c:
> 
> until next time<3


	8. VIII

 

It was another day in the ever so wondrous loon bin. Another day of waking up at the crack of dawn to Tao’s obnoxiously loud music coming from the tinny sounding speakers of his clock radio.

Today was just not a good day, I loafed around in bed for a good three hours before Tao thought it would be a great idea to grab my arm and yank me off, effectively making me fall to the cold floor.

He means well, I’m sure he means well. Well that’s what I tell myself at least.

The blond pretty much dragged me down to the cafeteria claiming that “If you eat some food it’ll pull you out of your slump, okay?”

Quite the opposite happened. On the menu for breakfast was gray bland oatmeal, wonderful.

Still groggy from just waking up, the table sat and ate in silence, the only sound coming from our spoons clinking on our bowls.

 

“Hey guys,” Yixing spoke up, getting the attention of a few from our table, “Does anyone know what time yoga is today?” he asked softly.

“I don’t know Lay why don’t you ask some who actually give a shit about that stupid stuff.” Luhan spat between dainty bites.

Yixing sighed loudly, “Well I care. I can’t just ask myself because I don’t know the answer to the question in the first place.”

Luhan groaned loudly, rubbing his hand over his face, “That’s not what I meant and you know it’s not what I meant, stupid.” he snapped and turned back to his breakfast. Yixing, with a confused look on his face, turned to Jongdae across from him who just shrugged and gave him a smile, “I think it actually might be around 12 today, Lay.”

Yixing gave him a lazy grin and nodded his thanks before turning back to his own breakfast.

 

“Hey Sehun?” I looked up at Baekhyun who was staring back at me, twirling his spoon in his fingers. I raised an eyebrow at him, signaling for him to continue.

“Have you ever done yoga before?” I shook my head as a response.

“Oh, well we have this kind of…yoga class,” he explained unsurely, “Well anyways we have this yoga class—it’s required like the group therapy—it’s super lame but sometimes it can be a good stress reliever you know? And the instructor is really nice though, but sometimes she takes the day off and we get a substitute and he’s not as good and-” he babbled on and on and the fact that he also talked with his hands along with his mouth didn’t make it any less mind numbing. I looked to Baekhyun’s right where Jongin was sitting, imitating the oblivious chatterboxes every move, making the a few others at the table snicker.

Baekhyun noticed the tittering going on and stopped midsentence and looked around, “What’s so funny?” he turned to his right to face Jongin who quickly reverted back to his normal behavior.

“Jongin? Do you know what they’re laughing at?”

The younger boy gave him a wide eyed look, “No of course not, I didn’t notice anyone laughing. Are you sure you heard us laughing because I didn’t,” he began looking around the table at the rest of us, “How about you guys, hear anything?”

A chorus of no’s and nada’s sounded from around the table. He turned back to the small boy and shrugged, “I think you’re just imagining things, maybe you should eat more.”

Baekhyun just turned back to his bowl with a bemused look on his face. I snickered at the antics Jongin caused and turned back to my own breakfast, shoveling large spoonful’s of the plain oats into my mouth.

“Silent Treatment.”

Great, he didn’t hear me did he?

I sighed and looked up, raising my eyebrows questioningly at him.

“Have you ever been on a date before?” he asked suddenly.

I tilted my head in confusion, slightly taken aback by the question. I eventually nodded slowly. He gave me a smug look before speaking up again, “So is this how you would turn your dates on? By literally inhaling your food? Because I mean it’s working for me.” he said laughingly. I scowled at him before deciding two could play that game. I scooped up a massive amount of oatmeal onto my spoon and rose it to my mouth before making a messy show of slurping up the entire bite loudly, suggestively wiggling my eyebrows as I did so. Jongin laughed harder and slapped Baekhyun’s arm who grimaced and hit him back.

“Hey,” an irritated voice came from the end of the table, we turned to look at the source of the voice to find Minseok scowling at us.

“Can you guys cut it out? Some people here are actually trying to eat and we do not want to see your disgusting antics.” he stated, albeit disgruntled.

Jongin just gave him a cheesy grin before replying, “How about you stop being such a wet blanket.”

“A wet blanket?”

“Yes, a sopping sad wet blanket of wet sadness.”

“What does that even mean?”

“It means stop being such a soggy biscuit.”

Minseok stared exasperatedly at the offending boy.

“I think you mean stop being such a soggy bun.” Tao snickered.

Minseok snapped his gaze to Tao who was grinning from ear to ear.

“I am not a soggy bun.” the elder defended.

“Are you sure? Because you’re being pretty lame right now, soggy bun.” Jongin retorted.

“Why are you guys being more annoying than usual?” Minseok questioned.

“Yeah I didn’t even know that you could get more annoying yet here you two are. Amazing.” Chanyeol added.

“Hey stay out of this, Goliath.” Luhan butt in.

“Don’t be an ass, Luhan.” Baekhyun defended his friend.

“Why don’t we all just calm down and stop talking.” Kyungsoo spoke up.

“Great now the Schitzo is trying to preach to us. Shut up DoDo.”

“Hey don’t say that to Kyungsoo, he didn’t do anything wrong.” Jongin added in, supporting Kyungsoo who gave him an appreciative smile in return.

“You shut up too!” Luhan nearly yelled from the other end of the table.

“Make me.”

“I swear to god if you-”

“If I what?”

“Just shut up!”

“Literally chill out.”

I watched as Luhan seethed from the plastic cafeteria seat. No one could get him riled up better than Kim Jongin. I looked between him and the source of his anger who was now sporting a self-satisfied smirk on his face.

“You really piss me off you know that?” Luhan broke the growing tension between them.

Jongin chuckled quietly, “Stay stressed shortstack.”

 

* * *

 

“Alright everyone! Please stand arms length away from each other.” a small woman in front of a mirrored wall called out.

The room where we had to do yoga was fairly spacious but not spacious enough to fit 12 people; all of the patients from my ward, the instructor, and Joonmyun who was there to make sure everything went smoothly, were crammed into the cramped room. The room was different from the rest of the building, the walls were light cream color and the floors weren’t the standard linoleum seen throughout the hospital, it was a sprung wood floor, giving off the scent of citrus floor polish. Natural light poured in through the windows along the wall to my right. It had an overall serene feeling to it.

The instructor walked over to a small stereo sitting on top of a stool in the corner and pressed a button making soft music float into the room.

“Okay everybody, we need to do some stretches before we get started,” the woman stated, “Lift your right foot up behind you and grab your ankle, like this,” she demonstrated for us, “An pull your ankle up behind you as far as you can without hurting yourself. This will stretch out your upper leg.” the instructor explained.

“Very good guys! Well done!” she praised, receiving only a few grunts in return.

 

We went through all different kinds of stretches, receiving unconditional praise every few minutes or so no matter if we messed up or not.

“Alright now lift your arms up like this,” she lifted her arms up to the ceiling, “Make sure to keep your feet together and rooted to the floor, like a tree.” she added with a smile before breathing in deeply.

“Now reach up! Stretch out your branches!”

There was a commotion to my right, making me turn my head to see what was going on.

Jongin and Baekhyun were hovering by the window, “What the hell? How come they get to go outside but we can’t?” Jongin spat.

I stepped away from the group and joined the other two by the window to what his fuss was about.

A group from another ward was walking outside towards the front gates, accompanied by their own nurses.

“Wait what? Someone got to go outside?” Luhan marched over to the window, pushing the rest of us out of the way to get a good look. His face twisted up in anger, “I haven’t been off grounds in months!” the small boy wailed before crouching down onto the floor and curling into himself, “What the hell this isn’t fair!” he yelled again.

“Luhan, you can’t be a tree if you’re down there on the floor.” the instructor chided.

“I don’t care I’m a fucking shrub.”

 

“Okay guys,” Joonmyun cut in, “Just step away from the window and get back to your lesson.”

Everyone turned to look at Joonmyun who was standing by the door, suddenly nervous under the attention. He rubbed the nape of his neck, “Just calm down and get on with your activities, I will uh…” he looked around, thinking of what to do, “I will take you all out tomorrow or the next day if you get on with the rest of your lesson,” he nodded to reassure himself, there were a few cheers of delight, “BUT, you have to do it with no more interruptions alright?”

The group nodded furiously and got back to their positions from before.

Tao who hadn’t gotten distracted from the lesson lowered his arms and eyed Joonmyun in the mirror.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

Joonmyun grimaced, “I didn’t promise anything.” he stated.

Tao shrugged, “I guess not, just don’t say stuff if you know it’s going to let someone else down, yeah?”

The group groaned, “Since when the hell do you say some deep stuff like that? Are you ill?”

The boy in question grinned, “Well of course, we’re all just absolutely bat shit crazy here, right?” he said and resumed his previous position with his arms up in the air.

I looked in the mirror and met eyes with Jongin who pointed over at Tao, giving me the  _‘this guy’_ gesture. I shook my head and shot him a playful glare before returning to my previous position also.

“Alright so now we’re going to…”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thats it thats how the chapter ends, im sorry v.v
> 
> anyways im back! ive been having an extremely rough time lately with a lot of personal problems and difficulties coming up, and thanks for all of the get well messages c:
> 
> also college is killing me, im only 16 why the hell am i in college being smart is horrible idc what people tell u it sucks ok be dumb pls love urself.
> 
> i did not read through this at all so if there are more mistakes than usual thats why, i also wrote it at two COMPLETELY different times so if the style changes well there u go again.


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